Holidays can be amazing times of family, friends, and fun. But they can also be times of loneliness and heartache. I’m sure we’ve all heard of how suicides and suicide attempts increase around holidays. Depression becomes a significant part of many people’s lives. If you or anyone you know experienced this side of the holiday season this year, know that you are not alone. As a surprised-to-be-single in this period of my life, I have experienced deep, consuming loneliness at times in the past few years. As a single person over 50 with no family in the area, I find it very difficult to find anyone who has time to go to dinner, or to a show, or any other activity as everyone I know has extended families and networks of long time relationships that consume their time outside of work. Consequently, aside from work, I spend most of my free time home alone. Now, my day job and my new home business endeavors keep me pretty busy so that I don’t really notice the lack of a social life- until the weekends and holidays roll around. Don’t know why, but Friday evenings seem to be the worst on a weekly basis- maybe because in the past, when single, that was date night? And this New Year’s Eve the loneliness hit big time- I struggled with Satan’s little imps whispering in my ears things that implied I had no friends- if I did, they would have found time for me; my life had no meaning; I must be a pretty rotten person to have no social life….you get the picture, I’m sure.
For some reason, even though I knew these were lies and I know the Answer, I wallowed in these feelings- crying off and on all day and into the evening. My poor dogs! These weren’t quiet cries, but those loud squalls we hear from young children- ever had your meal interrupted at a restaurant or your flight turned into a nightmare by a screaming child? Those are the ones I’m talking about. Now, looking back, I’m really embarrassed by my behavior! But that day, I almost relished the pain.
But, the good news is that by the following morning, I had my focus back in the right place! I started the day by counting my blessings, and I do have many. A few months ago, I began a real concentrated time on Sunday evenings of praying for the world and so collect articles and magazines about concerns around the world. Let me tell you, that is one way to really comprehend the blessings we have in this country. Sunday evening, as I prayed, I realized even more how silly my attitude had been the day before. Am I lonely, deeply so at times? Yes, but is it the end of the world? Does it mean I am worthless? No way! God tells us that He will never leave us or forsake us. And it is so true- once I turned my focus back on Him, my attitude changed. Thank God that I have found this solution to life’s problems, because instead of wallowing in depression for days or weeks, it lasts minutes, hours, or maybe a day now.
A couple of years ago I wrote a poem about how I was feeling. As I started writing it, God revealed to me that one reason He was allowing this loneliness in my life was so that I would understand what others were going through and how difficult it is to reach out when you are in despair. I was an outreach coordinator at my church at that time and God showed me that many people who walk into a church had a hard time getting connected with others there who already had relationships in the church. We sometimes forget how hard it is to be the new person and that many people are very shy and uncomfortable when they walk into a church or other gathering for the first time. If you are a church go-er, please take special note of the end of the poem- it was God’s message to me and the purpose at that time of my desert time.

The Desert of Loneliness
The landscape seems so bleak and bare
In a land where no one seems to care
I look around me- no one is there
The times I feel loved seem so very rare,
That I feel my heart begin to tear.

When out about town or in a church pew
I look around and see them two by two,
These people who would seem to have no clue
Of this desert of loneliness I live through-
Each day such an effort to step into.

I cry to You, my God, – when will this loneliness end?
Your only reply would seem to be, “Patience My friend.”
So I wait, I wait, for the plan You to send
Til one day, my heart you begin to mend.

And on that day, Your plan You reveal,
That you had a mighty purpose thru this ordeal!
That hurting hearts are coming needing You to heal,
But we, their hope too often don’t realize we steal.
Realizing this, I fall to my face and before You I kneel.

Yes, we need to learn how the lost to reach
But even more, to keep them we need to teach-
To all my Christian family, I now beseech-
Step out to greet, to connect, with more than just speech.

Had my life remained full without this distress,
At no time would I have begun to guess
The depth of loneliness others around me possess
Nor how this pain we need to learn to address-
How to show our love to the lonely with Your caress.

So, my God, for this lesson I give You all praise,
My hands and my heart to You I continually raise.
Thank you, my Lord, for the path You had me to blaze
Of showing me how to bring Your Light to their grays-